This Week's Harvest.

The wind blows at five miles an hour bringing a crisp Autumn coolness and removing the New Jersey humidity. The sky hovers high above us in a crystal, clear blue. The dogwood in my front yard displays its red berries and rusty leaves. Rustling in the branches, moaning through the sailing masts, I declare the day perfect.

I managed to do two and half days of my three day mini fast (only one small meal a day - dinner - because a full fast would bring too many questions.) I felt cleansed. I will manage the full three days next month as I will prepare myself better.

This week was an awakening for me. I vowed only to say positive things as part of my New Year resolution. Thumper has no competition. I rudely brought to my attention that I am a sarcastic, pessimistic smart mouth. I can only go up from here.

I have lost 17 pounds in the last six months just from walking a half hour each day. I have made no other conscious changes. Now that Fall is here I may add another healthy commitment, but not about food. My food commitment is that I can have whatever I want when I want. No more punishing myself with food. That was my first commitment.

Merry Mabon

In celebration of the first day of Autumn, thanksgiving and changing the negative to the positive, I will do just that. While it may be difficult to control my thoughts, I can control my speech. I will strive to make every word I utter a positive force.

May your harvest be abundant and your Cornucopia overflowing.

Brokeback Heart

If my mother knew the bog of despair and gray depression her remarks create, would she change them? I struggle daily to rise above the sucking cesspit in my head that tells me how inadequate and unworthy I am. The mire in my mind speaks in my mother’s voice.

Hourly, I must stitch up the cuts in my heart sliced there by her words. My heart oozes the blood of her insults and unhappiness.

I scream to drown her out but the volume never covers up her incessant disappointment.

I tried running away but sound travels. I tried dealing with it but I never developed the proper skills. I tried explaining but we speak different languages.

My voice tells my daughter to understand and not to hate. I train her to stop the poison at her ears. I tell her of her value and her worth so that I might hear it, too.

Gratitude 2

1. The weather continues fine for which I am very grateful. This is my favorite time of the year. Cool, crisp, clear, clean.

2. I am grateful that I can find the time to do the things I love between doing the things I need to do. I am grateful I can do the things I need to do.

3. I am grateful my refinance went well and went off without a hitch. Now I can move on to better things.

It's Not a Secret Anymore 1

I drive down the road with the top down, my dark sunglasses on and the wind whipping through my hair.

The radio blares out some 60's tunes as I sing at the top of my lungs.

I am happy and grateful that I own a car just like this one.

Gratitude 1

1. 70 degrees, no humidity, baby blue sky with big poofy white clouds and a brisk breeze; my favorite weather. Weather like this makes everything cleaner and sweeter and happy-go-lucky.

2. My husband loves me.

3. My daughter likes me.