Insane

I lay awake in bed from one-thirty until the alarm went off at four-thirty this morning. Obsessive-compulsive does not begin to describe my stupid, odd behavior.

I woke at one-thirty, which isn’t unusual. I still had the TV on. I have the timer set to two o’clock. I am a TV baby. I went to the bathroom and when I finished, the idea popped into my head, that my daughter (MD) had her boyfriend (MDB) in her bedroom (they are both nineteen.) I decided to check. Her bedroom door opened. Normally, it’s locked. This made me think she’s not home. Now, I’m pissed because she had to work in the morning. I turned on her light and I swear I saw her boyfriend in her bed with her. I looked out of the window to see if they parked MDB’s car in the driveway. It wasn’t there (they parked it down the street, because even though they were dumb enough to sleep together in MD’s room, they were smart enough to hide the car.)

I switched off the light real quick. I’m a fairly liberal minded person: my husband (MH) ain’t. Now, I panic. I envisioned MH waking in the night and shooting MDB. I swear I heard MDB cough. I turned up the sound on the TV to drown it out. I tossed and turned. MH tossed and turned. I was getting no sleep. I could see them all bumping into each other in the hall on the way to the bathroom.

My mind turned round and round, trying to figure out why MD would do such a thing. She knows the rules. She’s a good girl. She’s not stupid. How could she do this to me? What would possess her to be so bold?

I thought about how I could get between MH and MDB. I worried MH would have a heart attack because he knows all boys all evil, being such a bad boy himself. I saw him picking MDB up by the scruff of his neck and the seat of his pants and throwing him on the lawn, then kicking him all the way home.

I fretted the night away, hoping against hope that MH would get out of the house before the kids woke up, but I just knew they would make a sound that gave the situation away and all would be lost. The world would see us on The Jerry Springer Show or America’s Most Wanted or both.

At five thirty, MH left for work. At six, MD woke up. She came into the living room where I was waiting to spring my trap.

“Do you have MDB in your room?” No, I wasn’t yelling. Not on the outside, anyway.

“No.” She looked at me strangely. “What are you talking about?”

“I could have sworn I heard MDB cough last night.”

“You probably heard me cough. Why would MDB be here?”

“I don’t know. Never mind. Don’t you have to go to work?”

She walked away from me shaking her head.

Now, I’m tired, cranky and I feel like a fool. I am seriously fucked up.