If my mother knew the bog of despair and gray depression her remarks create, would she change them? I struggle daily to rise above the sucking cesspit in my head that tells me how inadequate and unworthy I am. The mire in my mind speaks in my mother’s voice.
Hourly, I must stitch up the cuts in my heart sliced there by her words. My heart oozes the blood of her insults and unhappiness.
I scream to drown her out but the volume never covers up her incessant disappointment.
I tried running away but sound travels. I tried dealing with it but I never developed the proper skills. I tried explaining but we speak different languages.
My voice tells my daughter to understand and not to hate. I train her to stop the poison at her ears. I tell her of her value and her worth so that I might hear it, too.
4 comments:
I once read that what we find disappointing or wrong in others is what we really find lacking in ourselves. Perhaps it is not you your mother is striking at but herself.
You can only change yourself, your responses.....choose how you will feel..If she says something ugly..Say to yourself,"I choose to feel sad FOR HER that SHE feels this way..since this is a reflection of her and not me." or something like that...
I truly believe that what she says is a reflection of her and not you! Chin up! You are a treasure to know!
Katie: You are unbelievably sweet and your words are very encouraging. I had heard of your suggestion before only I applied it to myself. I never thought to use it as you suggested. I thank you for the golden nugget of wisdom.
You are a very special person Nessa!
You are most welcome !
Katie: Thanks.
Post a Comment