I was going to not post last night's events but then I wouldn't be truthful and what would be the point of that. If I lied right at the beginning, there'd be no point in continuing.
So, dinner was good. We had raviollis and a salad. But I had been fantasing about bread since before I got home and the craving never went away. I was disappointed that we didn't have garlic bread with dinner, but I tried to push those thoughts and feelings away. Didn't work. Carbs really are a drug. I tried to ignore the urges. I distracted myself with reading blogs and TV. Then my husband went to sleep and the kitchen began calling my name.
I have the kitchen fairly well cleaned out of junk food, but when the insanity strikes almost anything will do as long as the chemical balance is right. So, I took a cup of instant pancake mix, half a cup of sugar, mixed with a little water and 2 tablespoons of melted butter. I ate all of this and felt myself calm down and get sleepy.
Once I was relaxed, I was very disappointed in myself. And normally I would wallow in the guilt and call myself names. But I beat those thoughts down. What I need is a plan. How can I deal with this intense complusion? What can replace this strong urge for physical calm? I must think on this today. My workday has a plan (which I'll post later) and that part is working well. I just need an emergency plan. If you have any ideas, let me know.
3 comments:
Ness, can you get this book, The Me I Knew I Could Be? It's by Crystal Phillips and it's a memoir by a woman who went all the way from 292 pounds to about 126 over the course of a year or two.
She talks about the emotional attachment to food and how it's never a good idea to deny yourself things you crave because that sets up a resistance in your body.
Instead, you allow yourself smaller portions of it, and you journal about why you crave these foods - what associations they set up? Love? Family? Closeness?
I realised when I went on a juice diet for a month (bad idea, never try this) that I had an emotional attachment to certain food. Also that it represented a certain memory, when I felt loved and secure. Was strange to delve into psyche that way.
Good luck dear. And God bless.
The plan - if you crave something, eat it. Even if you feed it a little, that urgency goes away. If you don't, it binges.
Lose weight slowly, not all at once because that is unhealthy and unstable.
My little sister who was a little big lost this enormous amount of weight in the course of a year. When I returned from Australia I couldnt believe the difference...
it was a change in eating habits that did it...and she slowly added other stuff...like gymming...
I will look for the book. I'm sure I can get it. And it sounds like something I need. I am definitely very emotionally attached to my food.
I do want to make healthy changes, so I am attempting not to use old habits, like not eating at all, to lose weight. Exercise will be very important.
Thanks for your help. Your support and sound advice are very important to me.
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