20130207 - morning

0724 - I slept until 0700. Screwed up my timeline but I woke up at 0130, thirsty and in a panic. I wasn’t having problems breathing but I felt funny all over my body like my nerve endings were vibrating all over especially my fingers, wrists, forearms and thighs. I was worried about which bill to pay tomorrow and how they are all due and all about $300 and how My hubby has to fix his unemployment to the correct amount or they are going to start shutting off the electricity and I won’t be able to the the mortgage this month and my parents are so old they are going to start dying soon and if one dies where will the other live and I’m hold with high blood pressure and cholesterol so I’m going to die soon and I have no will and then my hubby’s going to die and I’ll have to sell the house because it’s too big but he loves this house and I turned on the tv to listen to science trying to prove God and astronauts dying on their trip to Mars. I took a deep breath, got up to pee, drank some water and crawled back under the covers and covered my head. I finally fell asleep around 0545 and dreamed about swimming pools that are heated, with forced currents and I never got to swim in it because my mother’s mother died and we had a memorial service in the roadside joint (where the pool was) which was full because the bridge crossing the river at this point in the road was blocked to truck traffic but cars could go around them which caused parking and accident problems in the restaurant’s parking lot. I was young, around 16, trying to hang out with similar aged friends and trying to escape the adults and my little sister (I don’t have a sister) hiding behind columns, in closets and trying to escape in my car.

I have to get ready for work now. I am running late of course.

My back teeth are completely out of alignment. Sometimes my jaw is really off other times I forget about it. I thought of wrapping a necklace around my wrist with my vampire teeth on it while I was trying to sleep in the middle of the night. I did it while I was drinking my coffee this morning. I have to put Da Vinci's Demons and showtime show starting in April on my calendar so I remember to watch it. We’ll have all of the movie channels with Xfinity for $100 less per month. I have to cancel Directv today. I haven’t heard back from the about the extra receiver.

I need to do another 50 words before I can quit and go get dressed. I can’t remember right now if I dreamed about Vincent van Kingmaker. I’ll try to figure it out during the day. I had vague anxiety attacks over work I think I keep forgetting at work. I don’t think there is anything but since I can’t really remember I am not sure. I have to just get my shit together. All of this vague worrying is wearing me the hell out.

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