20130208 - morning

I woke up at 0300 but was able to keep most of my anxiety at bay by listening to weird tv shows like Dark Matters - Extra Twist and Mysteries at the Museum. I stayed in bed, resting until 0430. Then I got up. I was going to do all kinds of things before writing like make a list of tv channels that I record and look up George Price’s Altruism Theorem. But I reminded myself that I am trying to build consistency so my first 500 words of the day is important. I was going to do my Flash 55 but all of this can wait.

So I guess I will need to take a loan on my 401k to get things straight. This just doesn’t make me happy. I just keep getting poorer as time goes by. There’s got to be another solution. I’m thinking I will just have to suck it up and straighten out my finances and papers and treat my personal life like it’s my job and be as efficient at home as I am at work. Problem is I resent it so much that I don’t want to do it and I am fighting myself every step of the way. There is also a problem with me feeling embarrassed that I will have to tell other people that I need this fix and I need help and that I didn’t prevent this mess from happening in the first place. Getting coffee...

Things I have to do this morning before I go to work:
water plants
put dirty clothes in basement
take a shower
make a list of TV shows I record so I can set up the list with Xfinity which we are getting today
bring garlic chicken rolls to work for lunch
take care of paper recycle left laying on the coffee table by QC

Let’s see, what else do I want to talk about. This weekend is definitely going to be about finances. Step One is making a list of all of our expenses. Step Two will be to make a calendar of all of the due dates and pay dates. And maybe I will pay something.

I need to research how to respond to the papers I got back from the lawyers who are suing me for my unpaid credit card debt. Hopefully there’s some info on the internet. I will need to read them again and check for dates. I am going to make the spot where the printer is a desk that will keep all of our bills on a spreadsheet and all of our paper calendars so QV can see them at all times. I need to start bugging him to practice his reading, too.

I’ve got to find a way to convince myself that keeping up on all of the organization habits that I know are good behaviors is really good for me and a lot less painful and time consuming than this fixing I will have to do.

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