Monday, Sunny, Monday

It is Monday (I mention this as a way to remind myself what day of the week it is even though it really doesn’t matter much right now) and it is sunny. The sky is clear for the first time in many days both literally and figuratively. I did wake up last night around 0400 but that may have been more to The MM kicking me in the head than actual anxiety. Of course, once I was awake I began thinking about work things. I was easily able to talk myself out of the conversations this time though. I thought about the few things I left undone (because they were claims in the process of processing) and I told myself “screw it” they all need things to train on and I wasn’t very important so they’ll figure it out easily. I chuckled at the thought. I imagine it will be several days before I stop thinking of my “normal” routine but that will go away once I set up a new routine for myself.

The MM and I will go through his toys today. Our goal is to find the red angry bird and to organize and put things away better. I think I can get QV to take him up to the park to ride around in his jeep. I think The Pyrate will be here too so he can help entertain The MM while I begin going through my office boxes that are currently sitting all over my kitchen. It took four boxes to clean the stuff out of my office. I collected quite a bit of stuff in 16 years. I already cleaned all of the mugs I used to hold all of my pens.

When I woke during the night I realized I was actually analyzing my feelings. I can’t remember ever doing that before. I was afraid to look at how I felt because then I would have to make a decision which I was too petrified to make for myself. I recognized how hurt I am and also that I am very angry over what he said to me. Basically I was let go to protect himself. I was sacrificed in his effort to save himself. He started crying (pffth!) said he felt bad, I was a very good employee, but he had to protect the life he’s worked at since he was a teenager. As I was leaving, I offered to shake his hand and he’s the one who leaned in for a hug, so maybe there really isn’t anything wrong with me. Of course, what he starts telling people once I’m gone to justify himself, one never knows. He’s real good at bad mouthing people when they are no longer around to defend themselves. Do you know how to say coward? My crying for today is over. It was brief and mostly due to nostalgia.

I fell easily back to sleep and woke at 0700 when The MM woke up and laid on top of my head.

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