The New Beginning

I slept really well last night. I did not wake up in the middle of the night. I slept all the way through from 2030 (after The Big Bang Theory) until 0530 when my bladder and some cramps woke me. I laid in bed after taking care of things, watching the end of Love Actually. When I got out of bed at 0700, I noticed how well rested I felt. Changes so far after one day of not having to go to work: no headache, no teeth clenching and feeling relaxed. I am happy, really happy, that I am no longer going there. I do not miss it at all. I will miss the people but not the job, not the work. When all you do is clean up after other people (with no appreciation or thanks) for sixteen years, it’s impossible to find any job in your day.

I do fear that I will never be able to support myself for the rest of my life, that no one will want me, that I really have nothing to offer the world, but that’s only my damage soul speaking. Hopefully, over the next couple of months, it will be able to heal.

“It’s not technique that makes a great artist; it’s emotion.”

My plans for today:

Go through Nicky’s toys.
Do some shopping for needed sundries.
Walk The Codes. (It’s sunny today. Looks a bit cold, though, but it’s ok. I have plenty of time.)
Take a long, unhurried shower.
Have QV vacuum the front porch.
Go through and rearrange my daily schedule
How To Think Sideways
The Salt Lover’s Book of Magic - Prologue
Post Flash 55 and comment on other blogs

I’ll leave it at that. This is quite a list and I don’t want to overwhelm myself on my first day.

I cried a bunch yesterday. The shock of the change has gotten to me more than anything else. So, I took it easy on myself and let myself be upset. But now I feel so much better. The future actually looks brighter to me. That’s the other thing: I don’t feel depressed. I thought all of my depression was due to hormonal changes and some of it may still be that but I think most of my depression was that I really did not want to go to work anymore but I felt obligated to go for so many reasons that have now been taken out of my hands. God is good.

I just spent thirty minutes talking to my daughter who is also my best friend (and she really is my best friend, my cheerleader, my soul.) She has all kinds of plans for me. God, the future looks brighter than it did on Monday. Monday was pretty bleak. Right now I am crying tears of joy. I was laughing, really laughing, while talking to The Snoogs. She’s going to be my Marketing Manager and PR rep when I finish The Salt Lover’s Book of Magic. She’s making plans for all of us to move to Florida together. Spend the evenings strolling around Downtown Disney. Man, does she ever make plans. She’s a great Marketer.
Step One is done for today. I’ve made my 500 words. Time to move on. Today is the first day of my New Beginning; my rebirth to the person I always should have been. If I wasn’t afraid in my twenties why should I be afraid now. People thought I was good at things back then. People think I’m good at things now. I just have to believe in myself.

Look at today’s good numbers: 3-1-13. A good omen. An auspicious start. Yay!

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