20130213 - morning

I took two Pamprin Multi-symptoms last night and slept all the way through until 3am when I had to get up to pee and then I went back to bed and slept until just now 647am. Eleven hours of sleep. Nice. I also did my Bills Calendar and discovered I should have enough money to pay all of my bills by the end of the month. That helped my mind settle so I could sleep all night. I need to seriously stopped hiding from my financial situations. Some how I got it in my mind that finances are such a private matter that even I shouldn’t know what’s going on with them.

Look I am doing my morning words first. I almost opened up my email but I stopped and opened a new document page and began writing. All of my joints ache, even my finger joints. My left knee really hurts the most. Makes it very hard to walk around. When I am ready, the next thing I am going to add to my first thing to do each day will be 10 minutes of walking in place to get my body moving and ready to go to the gym.

So far I’ve got writing 500 words first thing each morning before I do anything else and not drinking any more coffee. I felt sluggish all day yesterday but I think it did help me sleep during the night. Let’s see if I can think of anything different to talk about. It’s the 50th birthday of The Big Man. They decorated his office yesterday with balloons and streamers. I have to go get him a ice cream birthday cake at noon. We were talking about cakes yesterday and Perfume Girl said Oh, no, I won’t be here. But then I heard her tell someone on the phone she was going to try to come in this afternoon. She’s getting back injections and thinks she’s going to come in - just for our cake?

The Codes is laying on the couch and snoring. He just woke himself up. He got up and moved to the floor to go back to sleep.

It’s 0714 and I need one hundred and fifty words to type. The sun is out. Jenny McCarthy is on Chelsea lately and all they talk about is poop and sex and fat. They are both so friggin’ skinny. I am going to get spinach salad for lunch. I’ve got to keep up my iron intake. I want beef jerky too. I had a bag of teriyaki nuggets yesterday which were really good. Here I am back to talking about food. I have lots of links for journalling topics I will look up some of those for my next journal entry and maybe I won’t bore myself so much. Thirty words to go. And all I can think about is food: where will I stop on the way to work to get some. Then I remember I will be going to Shoprite to get the cake so I can get more food then.

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20130212

0600 - I've decided, again, not to drink coffee. I think I slept better at night and felt better during the day when I didn't drink coffee. Got out my camera so I can start taking pictures again.

0716 - Got a photo for Friday. Now I need to go take a shower.

0841 - I stopped at Walmart and bought a small fan and air purifier for my work office. hopefully, it will help until The big Man gets around to saying something to Her boss.

1124 - it's Fat Tuesday and i think I'm getting fatter. Mission accomplished. Since they didn't have french fries and brown gravy where everyone is buying lunch, I am having Spam and Potatoes. All I do here is whine and talk about food. That's really all I do in my head. Complain and dream of eating.

1607 - I am so tired. I hope the lack of coffee helps me sleep tonight because I need some rest.

1623 - I want to go home and go to bed and not wake up again for about four years. I left my magnesium at home. i better remember it for tomorrow. I just don't feel like dealing with anything. Depressed much?

i have a photo all set up to post for tomorrow for Wide-eyed Wednesday on my main blog. And i have a picture chosen for Flash 55 for this week. Something about an insects point of view.

So many I's in these posts. I've been thinking about getting out my LRon Hubbard clearing book. it's just a bunch of questions and statements and you write about them from different perspectives until you have nothing left to say on the subject and then you are cleared and cured. It's always been good for ideas on things to explore. I wonder if i can figure out which book shelf it's on. I don't have enough energy to go upstairs to look.

I must do this month's bills and money calendar so QV can see where we are. How broke we are. God, i hate dealing with money. Why do you think that is. i've never found a good reason. i think it might be innate. i want to just write and draw and read. that's all I've ever wanted to do with myself. Why did I let myself get here?

20130206

0648 - Today's goals for writing:

#1 - Add descriptions to the character cards for Vincent van Kingmaker, Mary and Frank Hendersen, the 3 main characters of The Salt Lover's Book of Magic (tSLBoM.)

#2 - 500 new words to the Prologue of tSLBoM by Vincent van Kingmaker (current count 509.)

#3 - Chapter names for tSLBoM

I've been thinking about food already. Thinking about what I can get for breakfast if I stop at Shoprite on the way to work. Special K has a breakfast sandwich for less than 300 calories.

The paper flower I'm going to do of a spider mum will be free floating and not mounted on a canvas, paper or board.

0828 - i'm at work. no VM messages so that's good. i need something to do while i'm driving besides obsessing. My car was covered in ice this morning so i began with resenting that my husband who isn't doing a damn thing all day doesn't get out of bed to clean it off for me. Then i thought if he loved me, he'd say, here take my truck today while i get your car cleaned for you and check the oil and tires. instead, it will be summer and he'll make some smart ass remark about how i don't take care of it.

Then i thought about how it will be 2 years in May when he lost his job and in all that time he's barely worked, has wasted every opportunity for a job opening and yet complains because his mother didn't work when they were growing up. He doesn't even think about or remember all of the time he's been on unemployment while we've been together. Before i met him i did a spell to find someone to love. i specified they had to have a job. i guess i should have included that they keep working steady.

0925 - I actually laughed out loud at my boss, to his face because of a ridiculous solution he came up with for a problem. I am surprised I haven't been fired. I put a ream of paper on the floor under my desk to keep the cold from the floor getting to my feet.

I am much better this morning emotionally or mood wise. i've been doing more deep breathing and water drinking. i never did stop on the way to work to buy a breakfast sandwich. I'm going to have a bowl of Chicken noodle Soup. That should satisfy my need for taste without breaking the bank.

1004 - having my soup now. it's hitting the spot.

1020 - i want some 5 Guys french fries. Why? I'm thirsty. Break for water...i'm not hungry because I just ate. I finished payroll so i want to go off and do something else - write. i keep thinking about the spider mum I want to do.

1508 - haven't been here for a while and i ate all of my brown rice and nut chips and i'm looking for more. oh, i dipped them in Catalina salad dressing. I want chocolate cake. i'm going to stop at Shoprite on the way home and get the Angel Food Cake Mix and Chocolate cake mix and non-fat whipped cream to make the fast microwave cake for dessert tonight. Maybe that will satisfy my cravings.

I haven't done any of my personal writing goals yet for the day.

I watched three training videos on forklift training. That's when i started eating out of my plan. I think i have performance anxiety for any kind of schooling even though I love learning.

I looked at the extra receiver listed in my Directv account and it is different from the others so it must be my brother's receiver. I haven't heard back from Directv yet.

1520 - I just got an email from Holly lisle for a down and dirty revision workshop for $17. I think I'm going to do it. And I get a 15% discount. i get it when I get home tonight.

1601 - I did my chapter names for tSLBoM and i have 20 chapters. at 4,000 words per chapter, I'll get 80,000 words. A nice size book.

1617 - i reworked my todo list. I think it looks good now and won't make me too crazy. it's easy to read and color coded and i wasted 17 minutes on it. My mother called a little while ago. She has a slight fever. My father gets his tooth fixed tomorrow. She's still going on about Big Erika and the cell phone issue. Now i know where i get my obsessive nature from.

1658 - I just found out I will get the revision workshop for free because i already have HTRYN. Prezzies!

1735 - I didn't go to the store and get cake stuff. I talked myself out of it.

1843 - My hubby finished his Read-Right test. He has serious blind spots in the right side of his vision. He reads 20 words per minute right now. Hopefully the reading therapy will help.

1900 - I don't think I'll be able to write 500 new words on the Introduction today. I should have started a chapter outline. I'm going to be easy on myself and not try to write. i am adding the chapter outline to my todo list. I am going to try to start the outline tonight though. Maybe I'll dream about it and have Vincent van Kingmaker's first story done when I wake up.

1926 - Dinner was good. Pork chop and rice with sesame sauce and onions. I need 8 talking points to get to 4,000 words at 500 words per point.

1953 - I'm going to bed.