Words are eluding me this morning. I woke at 0400 (the old time) with a full bladder and the MM laying on top of my head and nudging me out of bed. I couldn’t get back to sleep even after I moved him over for more room. Ever since my mother said she was worried I’d never get a job if I didn’t start looking now I’ve been having mini panic attacks. I’ve begun seriously doubting my self. I’ve been telling myself how inadequate and worthless I am. I’ve been trying to explore these thoughts and feelings instead of pushing them away but it’s painful and hard. Still I move forward despite feelings of sheer terror.
I’ve gone through 4 weeks of HTTS. I’ve gotten my novel notebook which I like much better than a steno pad. I’ve discovered that I can only make lists and outlines in top bound paper pads. I need side bound notebooks for writing anything else. And of course, they must lie flat or they are no good at all. My PACTS sentence for tSLBoM is getting better but it’s still not good enough yet. I took out the names because they are not descriptive. I’ve got Mary as a grandmother but I need a powerful adjective for her which I can’t seem to get. I am handing it over to Fiona to see what she can suggest to Fred.
Fiona is my Muse. Fred is my right brain and Frank is my left brain. I am curious as to why they all have names that begin with “f.” I’m sure that is somehow significant.
My novel notebook is all numbered. I wrote my wants and needs for the project on page one. I’ve got Mary, Vincent van Kingmaker and Aiden each on their own page and I wrote a theme a few pages back. My theme is loosely Want vs. Need.
I picked out a new couch at Jaron’s. QV and I will go look at it on Monday. My 401k account has been closed so we should get that money soon. Then, I’ll be able to get all of our bills caught up, debts paid off, the bedroom finished and maybe truly have a breather.
The Snoogs forgot The MM’s suitcase yesterday. I had to go to Target and buy him some clothes for the weekend. I haven’t shopped for little kids clothes in 25 years. Target had very little for 3 year old boys. What little they did have was mostly shorts. No jeans, only cargo pants. I had to settle for athletic type pants. I did find a Star Wars shirt he really liked and Angry Birds underwear that thrilled him, too. We’ll be meeting O & O and the nephew at the park for a walk since it’s supposed to be another sunny day then go over to O & O’s house where the Snoogs will meet us later and take The MM home. They are going to Florida in a week to help The Pirate’s grandparents with their house and to move into old folks homes.
515
Showing posts with label tSLBoM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tSLBoM. Show all posts
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Saturday, March 09, 2013
Scared Straight
It’s amazing how one short comment from my mother can set off a panic attack where no fear existed before. She asked me yesterday if I had begun looking for a job yet. I reminded her that I was taking the month of March for myself. I would not rush into something I would hate again. Her response, “That’s what worries me. Jobs are hard to come by.” I said, “One month wouldn’t make that much of a difference.” She did not agree. And I immediately got scared that I would not survive if I didn’t run out and get something NOW. My first reaction was to try to stuff it down. Yesterday was the first time I shoved food into my mouth. I decided to look at my fear instead. To talk through it. I was able to stop eating and I felt better. My fear resurfaced at bedtime and I refused to ignore it again and it went away. I did however wake up afraid that my parents were dead. I looked at that too and it went away.
I’m thinking my ability to ignore things and push them away no longer does me any good. I am an adult and I have some power to deal with things. I can turn problems into opportunities as Holly would say, so no more ignoring. All it does is create panic which does nothing good for me.
I went through 3 chapters of How To Think Sideways. I am asking Fiona, my MUSE, to nudge Fred, my right brain, into giving me better name ideas for the demon/god character in The Salt Lover’s Book of Magic (tSLBoM.) He is a primordial god, an early god, so I’m thinking he may have been called Anu at one time. He has lived on throughout the centuries so he’s had many names. What I need is his current name, which needs to sound cool and not hokey, in our current language. I’ve worked out that Vincent’s stories will be told in third person. Mary’s stories will be letters she writes to Vincent. And Anu’s stories will be in first person because he’s a god and thinks himself the center of the universe.
The MM will be here in about an hour and a half. He will stay until tomorrow. We will be going up to my parents because the 1st niece and her son will be there and The MM loves to see his cousin, who is his best friend.
The TV in the livingroom is still not working. We have none of the premium channels which is not good because we don’t have Disney JR. for The MM to watch. I told The Snoogs to send his DVD’s so he can watch Wreck-It Ralph. I will call Comcast again today to see what’s going on with the fix for the DVR box. Stupid new equipment. I’m starting to get pissed off. It’s annoying and of course they will expect us to pay for the full month even though we couldn’t use the box properly.
513
I’m thinking my ability to ignore things and push them away no longer does me any good. I am an adult and I have some power to deal with things. I can turn problems into opportunities as Holly would say, so no more ignoring. All it does is create panic which does nothing good for me.
I went through 3 chapters of How To Think Sideways. I am asking Fiona, my MUSE, to nudge Fred, my right brain, into giving me better name ideas for the demon/god character in The Salt Lover’s Book of Magic (tSLBoM.) He is a primordial god, an early god, so I’m thinking he may have been called Anu at one time. He has lived on throughout the centuries so he’s had many names. What I need is his current name, which needs to sound cool and not hokey, in our current language. I’ve worked out that Vincent’s stories will be told in third person. Mary’s stories will be letters she writes to Vincent. And Anu’s stories will be in first person because he’s a god and thinks himself the center of the universe.
The MM will be here in about an hour and a half. He will stay until tomorrow. We will be going up to my parents because the 1st niece and her son will be there and The MM loves to see his cousin, who is his best friend.
The TV in the livingroom is still not working. We have none of the premium channels which is not good because we don’t have Disney JR. for The MM to watch. I told The Snoogs to send his DVD’s so he can watch Wreck-It Ralph. I will call Comcast again today to see what’s going on with the fix for the DVR box. Stupid new equipment. I’m starting to get pissed off. It’s annoying and of course they will expect us to pay for the full month even though we couldn’t use the box properly.
513
Friday, March 08, 2013
a Whole Week
I made it through a whole week. A very productive week. I got lots done without too much stress.
I am disappointed that I reached out to her and she ignored my extended hand. I said I hope we can keep in touch at least over FB and I got no response back. So that’s my answer. I am not surprised. I should have known better but I took a shot. I also did a like to DM and was ignored. I need to leave it alone. They’ll all know me when I become a famous author. And then when I ignore them they can call me a snob to the press and then I’ll be able to tell my story. Not bitter much? Maybe a little.
What can I talk about today? I am ready to bang out The Salt Lover’s Book of Magic. I have my notebook and my cards and I’ve got my How To Think Sideways notebook. I even found my backup hard drive. I’ll be able to move over pictures. But that’s a side task that I will do after writing. I have 23 days to finish tSLBoM. That’s 23 full days not to be interrupted by any other things. I should take out the weekends because they will be taken up by The MM. Tomorrow, I’m taking him to O & O. 1st Niece will be there with my nephew. The MM will be thrilled. I won’t tell him until he’s there just in case 1st Niece changes her mind which she does. She wants her wedding to be on a cruise. Perfect, since I don’t like cruises and I have no money for a cruise. Then of course O & O won’t want to go.
The words aren’t coming so easily this morning. I was mad at QV because once again he didn’t come home until 1830. We ate dinner after seven again. He was discussing work with Big R. Yeah. OK. He wasn’t just drinking.
The DVR in the living room is not working. We can’t get any of the premium channels. I called several times to try several things and nothing worked. It’s still not working this morning so I will need to call again.
I slept well again last night. Fell right to sleep and didn’t wake up until 0515 and was wide awake today so I just got up. I had some neat dreams again but I can’t remember the content at all. I lost the subject as soon as I woke up.
I feel like I should go somewhere today just because I haven’t driven anywhere since Sunday but I really don’t feel like it. I plan on going to the library again over the weekend. I was thinking of asking BW if she wants to go to lunch or something later next week. Maybe go to the movies. Once I get my money, I’ll be going to IKEA to get our bedroom furniture. I will be the bedroom done. That’s my major goal besides paying off all of our debt so we don’t get any more calls from those vultures. And no more Credit cards from now on. We don’t need them.
533
I am disappointed that I reached out to her and she ignored my extended hand. I said I hope we can keep in touch at least over FB and I got no response back. So that’s my answer. I am not surprised. I should have known better but I took a shot. I also did a like to DM and was ignored. I need to leave it alone. They’ll all know me when I become a famous author. And then when I ignore them they can call me a snob to the press and then I’ll be able to tell my story. Not bitter much? Maybe a little.
What can I talk about today? I am ready to bang out The Salt Lover’s Book of Magic. I have my notebook and my cards and I’ve got my How To Think Sideways notebook. I even found my backup hard drive. I’ll be able to move over pictures. But that’s a side task that I will do after writing. I have 23 days to finish tSLBoM. That’s 23 full days not to be interrupted by any other things. I should take out the weekends because they will be taken up by The MM. Tomorrow, I’m taking him to O & O. 1st Niece will be there with my nephew. The MM will be thrilled. I won’t tell him until he’s there just in case 1st Niece changes her mind which she does. She wants her wedding to be on a cruise. Perfect, since I don’t like cruises and I have no money for a cruise. Then of course O & O won’t want to go.
The words aren’t coming so easily this morning. I was mad at QV because once again he didn’t come home until 1830. We ate dinner after seven again. He was discussing work with Big R. Yeah. OK. He wasn’t just drinking.
The DVR in the living room is not working. We can’t get any of the premium channels. I called several times to try several things and nothing worked. It’s still not working this morning so I will need to call again.
I slept well again last night. Fell right to sleep and didn’t wake up until 0515 and was wide awake today so I just got up. I had some neat dreams again but I can’t remember the content at all. I lost the subject as soon as I woke up.
I feel like I should go somewhere today just because I haven’t driven anywhere since Sunday but I really don’t feel like it. I plan on going to the library again over the weekend. I was thinking of asking BW if she wants to go to lunch or something later next week. Maybe go to the movies. Once I get my money, I’ll be going to IKEA to get our bedroom furniture. I will be the bedroom done. That’s my major goal besides paying off all of our debt so we don’t get any more calls from those vultures. And no more Credit cards from now on. We don’t need them.
533
Sunday, March 03, 2013
Oh, Sugars!
I slept until 0715 today. The MM woke at the same time so I didn’t get to write this morning. Right away he wanted to watch videos on my computer and silly me didn’t think to set him up on QV’s computer so I could do my thing. I’ll remember for next time. I took my time getting my day started. I read a bit from Game of Thrones. I’m trying to catch up to the TV show. The next season starts at the end of March. My lower back is a bit sore and I am tired from bleeding like a stuck pig. But that should be over in a couple of days. I don’t feel as tired as usual, I’m thinking because I am not so hopeless and depressed as I was before getting fired.
The MM and I went back up to see O & O again today. I left him with them for 2 hours while I went to the library. I renewed my account and got a new card. Then I read from GoT for half an hour. After that, I went into the cafe where I had a hot chocolate and a muffin while I wrote three pages in my paper journal. There were a lot of unruly children and their unruly parents. There was a man in a wheelchair that was drawing birds. He was a big man with grey hair and a grey beard and mustache. From an overheard conversation, he was a veteran. He showed his drawings to many people, especially to children and he encouraged any of them who said they liked to draw to keep at it no matter what anyone said to them. He said he was told he couldn’t draw as a child so he stopped for the longest time. Now he draws all of the time and wouldn’t stop for anyone. Sound familiar?
I enjoyed my time at the library and it went by really fast. I will want to go back there again some time. They have a poetry group that meets there on the second Thursday in March. I think the paper said the 14th at 1900. I’d like to go to that and see what the people are like. I’ll need to get out and meet people so I don’t get isolated. Being alone all of the time will not be good for me.
I was thinking about going back to the painting lady in Moorestown. I can’t think of her name right now, I think it was Gisela, something with a G anyway. I could go to her during the day once a week and do some small paintings with her to get lessons and ideas and techniques.
I’ve been trying to distract myself from tSLBoM so I don’t get ahead of myself. I will be starting serious work on it on Tuesday. I will also do HTTS so I can actually finish my book. I must have it published on Amazon by the end of March 2013.
I am off to do my websiTe post. I found a meme with questions about my current work in progress that I will use.
529
The MM and I went back up to see O & O again today. I left him with them for 2 hours while I went to the library. I renewed my account and got a new card. Then I read from GoT for half an hour. After that, I went into the cafe where I had a hot chocolate and a muffin while I wrote three pages in my paper journal. There were a lot of unruly children and their unruly parents. There was a man in a wheelchair that was drawing birds. He was a big man with grey hair and a grey beard and mustache. From an overheard conversation, he was a veteran. He showed his drawings to many people, especially to children and he encouraged any of them who said they liked to draw to keep at it no matter what anyone said to them. He said he was told he couldn’t draw as a child so he stopped for the longest time. Now he draws all of the time and wouldn’t stop for anyone. Sound familiar?
I enjoyed my time at the library and it went by really fast. I will want to go back there again some time. They have a poetry group that meets there on the second Thursday in March. I think the paper said the 14th at 1900. I’d like to go to that and see what the people are like. I’ll need to get out and meet people so I don’t get isolated. Being alone all of the time will not be good for me.
I was thinking about going back to the painting lady in Moorestown. I can’t think of her name right now, I think it was Gisela, something with a G anyway. I could go to her during the day once a week and do some small paintings with her to get lessons and ideas and techniques.
I’ve been trying to distract myself from tSLBoM so I don’t get ahead of myself. I will be starting serious work on it on Tuesday. I will also do HTTS so I can actually finish my book. I must have it published on Amazon by the end of March 2013.
I am off to do my websiTe post. I found a meme with questions about my current work in progress that I will use.
529
Tuesday, February 05, 2013
20130205
0845 - I want potato chips with french onion dip and a diet coke.
I just finished going through my emails and i am annoyed by all of the truly stupid things i have to do requested by people who should be doing really important things but instead they focus on dumb things.
I mean, really, I have a couple of advanced degrees and granted i have experience in things no one else can do but seriously, i have to interrupt my day to make friggin' labels? This is just such a smart intelligent use of my time and now i will obsess about it all day long.
1001 - I feel like crying. I looked at my Directv bill and there's a receiver for an RV on there which we put on for my brother. I've been billed for it for 2 years. I asked my brother when he sent it back. he says he bought his won. so now i'll have to pay for a receiver i've never used and I don't have. I can't win.
I'm going to eat my salad. maybe that will help. i had my protein shake (190 calories) but that isn't cutting it.
1026 - i feel like crap. Not physically, but emotionally. I want to lay on the floor under my desk, curl into a ball and cry my eyes out.
Brunch was a spring mix and spinach salad with mandarin oranges, chick peas, catalina dressing, brown rice & almond gluten free chips and V8 (435 calories.) I'm going to take my magnesium now. I wish there was someone who would take the time to cheer me up. My shoulders are down around my knees. I'm depressing myself even more by wiriting this crap. I thought journalling was supposed to help. I just threw my V8 can away. fuck recycling. (I took it out again. Guilt is stronger than patheticness.)
My toes are freezing too. The cold just comes right through the cemebnt slab under me.
I'm full but I'm still depressed. yeah, i expected it to go away in 9 minutes. All of my typos are really bothering me. I'd like to punch a wall right now. Or break a pane of glass.
I'm going to go look at my todo list and see if I can't pick something to focus on to distract myself from all of this disguting bullshit.
1048 - i keep forgetting to drink my water. Perhaps my brain is dehydrated. No one is getting back to me on my emails for stuff for me to do. I'm going to wash my salad dishes and put my recycles in the recycle bin.
1106 - i was just in the bathroom crying because no one ever tells me I'm pretty. Normally I could care less. My appearance is not somehting i usually pay attention to but sometimes, i don't know. I want to delete this post so bad. I really should because I sound like a raving loon but this is the way my head goes most days. i'd like to blame it on the menopause but i'm pretty sure none of this is new. You'd think i'd know for sure if this is common for me but that's part of the problem too. i always feel like such a fake, like i'm putting on a show but a show for who? Myself? i was going to do separate posts each time but i decided to just do one long running on all day and the schedule it to post in the middle of the night.
Facebook was depressing me too. Everyone is fucking chipper.
1145 - It's not even noon, yet. I feel a little better. I formatted and posted a picture of an employee to our work FB page. It distracted me a bit. I started on my first character sketch. that helped, too.
The purpose of all of this writing is to make me more aware instead of losing myself in a haze of time where i waste time not being here.
1152 - right now:
A drink of Vintage Seltzer and a deep breath and another of each.
1203 - The deep breaths are helping. They feeling very good. i forgot to take my magnesium. Did it now. Maybe my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. I mean, the difference is remarkable. Like someone dumped some normal juice in my drink. i'm telling you, i'm just not right.
I just scared myself. i accidently hit publish but it let me revert to draft without having to delete the post. Cool beanie weinies.
1316 - Something smells really good. The deep breaths and seltzer have helped. I feel better, less grey.
Directv got back to me without saying anything except they got my email and someone will contact me within 72 hours. I'm chewing on celery.
1409 - Finished checking the math and info on the timecards. Just found out a co-worker has the flu.
1418 - Chicken noodle soup time. I did not add any salt to anything so far today. i didn't have any salt with my celery sticks. I'm feeling much better than this morning. Not chipper but not borderline suidicial either (please don't call the straight jacket people ~ I'm not really into suidice enven though sometimes I am in the depths of despair ~ I'd never commit suicide just because I refuse to let the demons win.)
I'm going to try using a small dessert plate for dinner tonight and refrain from adding any salt.
I'm taking my lunch break right now so i'm going to go do my goals on The Salt Lover's Guide to Magic. I need a PACTS sentence for the book, the start of the 3 main characters' sheets and 500 new words on the Introduction which is really a first chapter by the book's author (the person bringing us the story.)
I've stuck to my eating plan so far today. I'm not hungry but i sure would like some ice cream and Reeces Peanut Butter Cups. I've been thinking about Caramel too.And a heath bar. Just obsession. I'm going to clean up my todo list. 140 things is just too much to look at. I've got things on there I am not going to get to anytime soon and i don't want to either. they're just distracting me, distracting my vision.
Off to write.
1507 - finished the 3 character charts. Working on a PACTS sentence next. I actually just smiled at something. I'm telling you i amy need to write just to survive.
1601 - lemon yogurt and ground flax seed time.
in case you are wondering, in between all of this angst and journalling and other stuff I am actually kicking out tons of work. I won't bore you with what i'm doing (because it bores me) but I can produce the work of about 3 or 4 people in the time it takes 1 person to do half his work.
I don't like lemon yogurt. i like most things lemon but this tastes like lemon soap. greek yogurt is great though. I'd wonder if I'm manic depressive but there's very little manic about my energy levels. I'm always tired. i am certainly most cheerful right now. i wish I knew exactly what did the trick. Probabbly all of the above.
writing
deep breathing
water
goals
1633 - I have 30 minutes to come up with my sentence first draft - needs to be 30 words or less.
1648 - 1st draft of 50 words - not bad
There's plenty of room to cut down 20 words.
More on this later.
Now i need to do 500 words on the Intro by Vincent van Kingmaker before the day is over. i'm shutting down for now until i get home. I survived the day at work. Nice.
1735 - Got home about 10 minutes ago. It's snowing little cubes of ice. My brother was on the phone. He's ging to check to see if the number in my Directv account matches the receiver he bought. I just want to make sure they don't try to get me to turn inan extra receiver.
1844 - Just got done dinner. I did not add any salt - VICKTORY! Sauted chicken, rice, onions, red peppers, califlower and brocilli.
I finished my PACTS sentence for tSLBoM:
1919 - Ugh! 200 more words until I can finish for the day. But again I have to point out that when I finished eating I wanted more. I was thinking about chocolates again and I'm not a chocolate person. I want warm pudding cake. But I started writing and I forgot all about it. Until I got frustrated about not getting enough words.
1935 - Done. 509 words. I did tomorrow's todo list an hour ago. I am tired. I am in a much better mood. I wonder how the day will begin tomorrow.
I just finished going through my emails and i am annoyed by all of the truly stupid things i have to do requested by people who should be doing really important things but instead they focus on dumb things.
I mean, really, I have a couple of advanced degrees and granted i have experience in things no one else can do but seriously, i have to interrupt my day to make friggin' labels? This is just such a smart intelligent use of my time and now i will obsess about it all day long.
1001 - I feel like crying. I looked at my Directv bill and there's a receiver for an RV on there which we put on for my brother. I've been billed for it for 2 years. I asked my brother when he sent it back. he says he bought his won. so now i'll have to pay for a receiver i've never used and I don't have. I can't win.
I'm going to eat my salad. maybe that will help. i had my protein shake (190 calories) but that isn't cutting it.
1026 - i feel like crap. Not physically, but emotionally. I want to lay on the floor under my desk, curl into a ball and cry my eyes out.
Brunch was a spring mix and spinach salad with mandarin oranges, chick peas, catalina dressing, brown rice & almond gluten free chips and V8 (435 calories.) I'm going to take my magnesium now. I wish there was someone who would take the time to cheer me up. My shoulders are down around my knees. I'm depressing myself even more by wiriting this crap. I thought journalling was supposed to help. I just threw my V8 can away. fuck recycling. (I took it out again. Guilt is stronger than patheticness.)
My toes are freezing too. The cold just comes right through the cemebnt slab under me.
I'm full but I'm still depressed. yeah, i expected it to go away in 9 minutes. All of my typos are really bothering me. I'd like to punch a wall right now. Or break a pane of glass.
I'm going to go look at my todo list and see if I can't pick something to focus on to distract myself from all of this disguting bullshit.
1048 - i keep forgetting to drink my water. Perhaps my brain is dehydrated. No one is getting back to me on my emails for stuff for me to do. I'm going to wash my salad dishes and put my recycles in the recycle bin.
1106 - i was just in the bathroom crying because no one ever tells me I'm pretty. Normally I could care less. My appearance is not somehting i usually pay attention to but sometimes, i don't know. I want to delete this post so bad. I really should because I sound like a raving loon but this is the way my head goes most days. i'd like to blame it on the menopause but i'm pretty sure none of this is new. You'd think i'd know for sure if this is common for me but that's part of the problem too. i always feel like such a fake, like i'm putting on a show but a show for who? Myself? i was going to do separate posts each time but i decided to just do one long running on all day and the schedule it to post in the middle of the night.
Facebook was depressing me too. Everyone is fucking chipper.
1145 - It's not even noon, yet. I feel a little better. I formatted and posted a picture of an employee to our work FB page. It distracted me a bit. I started on my first character sketch. that helped, too.
The purpose of all of this writing is to make me more aware instead of losing myself in a haze of time where i waste time not being here.
1152 - right now:
sight - job files to check through
sound - Heart, tell It like It Is
smell - vinegar
taste - a dry tongue
touch - lotiony handsA drink of Vintage Seltzer and a deep breath and another of each.
1203 - The deep breaths are helping. They feeling very good. i forgot to take my magnesium. Did it now. Maybe my brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. I mean, the difference is remarkable. Like someone dumped some normal juice in my drink. i'm telling you, i'm just not right.
I just scared myself. i accidently hit publish but it let me revert to draft without having to delete the post. Cool beanie weinies.
1316 - Something smells really good. The deep breaths and seltzer have helped. I feel better, less grey.
Directv got back to me without saying anything except they got my email and someone will contact me within 72 hours. I'm chewing on celery.
1409 - Finished checking the math and info on the timecards. Just found out a co-worker has the flu.
1418 - Chicken noodle soup time. I did not add any salt to anything so far today. i didn't have any salt with my celery sticks. I'm feeling much better than this morning. Not chipper but not borderline suidicial either (please don't call the straight jacket people ~ I'm not really into suidice enven though sometimes I am in the depths of despair ~ I'd never commit suicide just because I refuse to let the demons win.)
I'm going to try using a small dessert plate for dinner tonight and refrain from adding any salt.
I'm taking my lunch break right now so i'm going to go do my goals on The Salt Lover's Guide to Magic. I need a PACTS sentence for the book, the start of the 3 main characters' sheets and 500 new words on the Introduction which is really a first chapter by the book's author (the person bringing us the story.)
I've stuck to my eating plan so far today. I'm not hungry but i sure would like some ice cream and Reeces Peanut Butter Cups. I've been thinking about Caramel too.And a heath bar. Just obsession. I'm going to clean up my todo list. 140 things is just too much to look at. I've got things on there I am not going to get to anytime soon and i don't want to either. they're just distracting me, distracting my vision.
Off to write.
1507 - finished the 3 character charts. Working on a PACTS sentence next. I actually just smiled at something. I'm telling you i amy need to write just to survive.
1601 - lemon yogurt and ground flax seed time.
in case you are wondering, in between all of this angst and journalling and other stuff I am actually kicking out tons of work. I won't bore you with what i'm doing (because it bores me) but I can produce the work of about 3 or 4 people in the time it takes 1 person to do half his work.
I don't like lemon yogurt. i like most things lemon but this tastes like lemon soap. greek yogurt is great though. I'd wonder if I'm manic depressive but there's very little manic about my energy levels. I'm always tired. i am certainly most cheerful right now. i wish I knew exactly what did the trick. Probabbly all of the above.
writing
deep breathing
water
goals
1633 - I have 30 minutes to come up with my sentence first draft - needs to be 30 words or less.
1648 - 1st draft of 50 words - not bad
Mary, fat, dependant and boring, wants to die. Frank
Hendersen, a demon/primorial god, is obsessed with Mary and wants her for his
mate. Mary must actualize to be fit for Frank Hendersen, so she must be reborn each time she dies. Suburban New Jersey and a salt mine village in Austria.
1919 - Ugh! 200 more words until I can finish for the day. But again I have to point out that when I finished eating I wanted more. I was thinking about chocolates again and I'm not a chocolate person. I want warm pudding cake. But I started writing and I forgot all about it. Until I got frustrated about not getting enough words.
1935 - Done. 509 words. I did tomorrow's todo list an hour ago. I am tired. I am in a much better mood. I wonder how the day will begin tomorrow.
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